Choked Up on Valentine’s Day: A Serious Talk About Consent and Boundaries
As a coach who is passionate about evidence- based practices and creating a space of safety for my clients. I’ve learned that boundaries aren’t just important in the gym or kitchen-they’re essential in every area of our lives, especially in intimacy. This Valentine’s Day, let’s talk about something that isn’t all chocolate and roses but is crucial for healthy relationships: consent and communication.
In my ongoing commitment to ethical research on boundaries, I came across startling statistics about how common certain intimate acts -like choking-have become, particularly among younger populations. Unfortunately not everyone understands that without prior, enthusiastic consent, acts like this can cross a very serious line into assault.
What the Research Says:
Studies show that choking (or “breath play”) has become more normalized as a performance based emulation of the porn industry. As well as the rise of certain social media outlets and online discussions. HOWEVER, choking carries significant risks-both physical and emotional. According to recent studies, nearly 40% of participants reported experiencing choking during sexual activity, with many stating that it was unexpected or non consensual.
Even brief neck compression can lead to dangerous outcomes, such as loss of consciousness, brain injury or worse. There is no “safe” way to engage in choking unless it is explicitly discussed, consented to, and practiced with the understanding of the risks. This isn’t just about personal safety-it’s about respecting each other’s boundaries in moments of vulnerability.
Legal Perspective:
In Canada, the Criminal Code explicitly addresses acts of choking, suffocating or strangling. Section 246 states that attempting to choke, suffocate or strangle another to render them insensible, unconscious, or incapable of resistance is an indictable offense, punishment by up to life imprisonment. https://laws-lois.justice.gc.ca/eng/acts/C-46/section-246.html?utm_source=chatgpt.com
Furthermore, the Supreme Court of Canada has ruled that a person must have an active mind during sexual activity to provide valid and ongoing consent. Performing sexual acts with an unconscious person, even with prior consent, is a criminal offense. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/R_v_JA?utm_source=chatgpt.com
Why Boundaries Matter More Than Ever:
At Elle Jolie Wellness, I always stress the importance of boundaries, whether in relationships, work or personal. Boundaries are how we protect ourselves while also fostering trust with others. Acts like choking demand open, honest conversations-not assumptions.
Consent is not just a “yes” or “no.” It’s ongoing, enthusiastic, and freely given. Surprising someone with an act like choking without prior discussion isn’t romantic or sexy-it’s harmful. Respecting boundaries is the ultimate way to build connection, trust and true intimacy.
Valentine’s Day, But Make It Respectful:
This Valentine’s Day, let’s remember that real intimacy starts with open communication. If you’re exploring new dynamics with a partner, have a conversation about likes, dislikes, and boundaries beforehand. The same way you need to ask consent before touching a client appropriately in your fitness care. Check in-what are they comfortable with? What are the absolute “Hard-no’s.”
Why This Blog?
Writing this post feels personal. As someone who has dedicated my career to helping others through behavioural change and respectful coaching, I want this space to be about empowerment and education. These conversations aren’t always easy, but they’re necessary for creating healthy, fulfilling relationships that cause no harm.
Let’s celebrate LOVE by building stronger, safer, and more authentic connections. Honestly, nothing says romance like self-respect.
References
1. Prevalence of Sexual Choking in Young Adults: PMC Research Article
2. Why Choking During Sex Is Dangerous Psychology Today: Link